OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
