this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
