The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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