umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
