Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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