If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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