Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
