New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
