I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
