A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
