So drunk its hurt
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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