It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
