she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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