kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
