Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
