can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I will pee on everything he values.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
