The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
