carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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