I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
