i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
