Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
