not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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