And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
