I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
