He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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