I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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