Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
