she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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