I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
