She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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