So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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