Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
