And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
