she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
