Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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