my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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