I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
