can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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