I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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