I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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