Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
