This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
