Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
