what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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