the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize