do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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