Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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