A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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