I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
