I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
