This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
