I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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