I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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