I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
