Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
