Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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