I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
