my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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