I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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