i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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