You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Small penises have feelings too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
