The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
