My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
