My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
