Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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