So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
