Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
