Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
