So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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