I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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