Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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