So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
