just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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