if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
